i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you never un-have a 4some
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
