Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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