there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
