You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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