The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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