I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
