u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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