I love black thongs
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
