What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
