u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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