I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to calm my uterus...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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