My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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