:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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