I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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