Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
