oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
