Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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