he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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