I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
