Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
