ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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