Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
