I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize