found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
