Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
