So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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