my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He shit in the fireplace
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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