Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
