Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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