So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize