so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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