JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
