the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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