and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
