i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
