TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
