So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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