everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
