she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
