I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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