It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
