Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was born a porn star she said
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
