Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize