well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
should my penis look like a turkey
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
