i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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