Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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