Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
