My sheets look like a crime scene.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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