Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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