Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
