do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
