i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize