Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize