She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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