It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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