Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
