Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
