yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
