my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
