He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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