Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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