help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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