It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
