i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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