I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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