he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
