when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
